


Not So A-Thor-Able

by brodiew



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angry Rocket, Gen, Passive Hulk, Rocket pep talk, how to get Thor off his butt, slobby Thor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 09:09:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18937852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodiew/pseuds/brodiew
Summary: Rocket Raccoon and Banner got to new Asgaard to retrieve Thor for the Time Heist in Avengers Endgame. Events at Thor's house go a little differently than in the film.





	Not So A-Thor-Able

**Author's Note:**

> Short one shot featuring a different take on Rocket and Banner's trip to retrieve Thor in Avengers: Engame. This is not a fix-it, but the way I would have preferred the scene in Thor's house to have gone. I have loved the Rocket-Thor dynamic in Infinity War and in Endgame, to a lesser extent. Enjoy!

The house in New Asgaard was a pit, which is also what opened up in Rocket's stomach when he saw Thor. He blinked, unsure of what he was seeing. The chiseled features were gone. His strong jawline was covered with a full, but wiry beard. His pectorals were sagging, which led Rocket's eyes lower to a protruding belly from which the irascible Guardian had to avert his eyes.

"What the hell, Thor!" he barked at his friend, now a shadow of his former self. "I heard you were depressed, but this is ridiculous."

"Watch your language, Rocket," said Banner, raising a massive palm in a 'stop' signal. Rocket was not in the mood to deal with two head case heroes. He needed to find out what was going on with Thor and he needed get him back in the game.

"Shut it, Banner," the raccoon replied. "You need just as much Jolly in your Green as he does White in his lightning! Tiptoeing around sad sacks is not in my nature. Using a soft tone is getting you ignored, you Oxymoron."

"Wait just a-"

"-Beer?" Thor cut in, cheerfully, pushing a can into Banner's hand and dropping into his chair.

Banner looked at the tiny can in his hand and looked at Thor.

"No, thank you," he said, tossing the can back Thor.

"No worries, Mate," the thunder god said, lazily, draining the can into his open mouth. "More for me."

"Now, you're Australian," Rocket said, shaking his head in disbelief at how far the 'Pirate Angel' had fallen. "That's just great."

"Hakuna Matata," Thor declared, raising another beer in salute, from his ratty throne of a recliner. "It means no worries."

Rocket became very still, but for his ears which trembled violently. Pulling the blaster from his hip holster, he shot a hole through Thor's present beer can and, subsequently through arm of the recliner.

Thor sat stunned as did Banner and the thunder god's online gaming compatriots. Beer ran on to his pant leg. Rocket sprang on to his lap and grabbed a handful of scruffy beard. Thor seemed unphased until the little scrapper yanked harshly on the hair, pulling him eye to eye.

"Ouch, Rabbit!" Thor boomed. "That hurt. If I weren't already too tired, I'd mop the floor with your mangy hide."

"You're going too far, Little One," Banner intoned, taking a step toward them. "He's been through trauma-"

With his free hand, Rocket raised his palm in the stop signal. "Don't start with the trauma train, again, Banner. We all got trauma. Trauma before Thanos and trauma after Thanos. Thor, here, just happened to get a double dose from the Purple People Eater.

He turned back to back to blonde bum on whose lap he stood and whom, miraculously, had not moved since his beard was pulled. "You're stronger than this, Thor! Better than hiding in this cave and cowering in the face of failure. Five years, Beer Belly. Hiding and crying and wishing it were different. Well, it's not different! Countless are gone. Friend, Family, or strangers. It doesn't matter."

"I can't let you do this, Rocket," Banner butted in. "You're making it worse."

Banner put his hands on the much smaller raccoon and mad to pull him away.

Rocket broke eye contact with Thor and bore his black eyes into Banner's. "You better kill me right now, Bulk, or you better sleep with one eye open. Take your meaty hand off me."

"I don't want to hurt, you," Banner replied, sadly. "But kicking him while he's down is not going to help."

"Let the Rabbit speak," Thor groaned, the happy fat man suddenly deflated. "He is amusing to me."

Banner released Rocket, taking a step back. "What he's saying is true, Thor. This isn't you."

"Bravo, Jolly Green!" the raccoon jibed. "I don't want him falling asleep. Maybe you should thinking about separating whatever jumble you got going on in there."

Rocket turned back to Thor. "There is a chance we can make it right, Thor. Bring them all back. What do you think of that?"

The thunder god suddenly looked unsettled and let loose an Asgaardian belch that knocked the diminutive space traveler to the floor. As Rocket got back to his feet, Thor appeared swallowed by the well-used recliner. His smirk of satisfaction enraged the Guardian further.

"Ok, then," he said, brushing himself off. "You sit there and wallow in self-pity, drunken depression, and god-damned slobbery. I've been there and it stinks. It stinks so bad I finally had to flush it because I couldn't take letting something that wasn't my fault take me out of the game. Killing Thanos was an after-thought that brought you no satisfaction. Now, we have a chance to undo the thing that has you all emotional. So get off your newly padded ass and let's go?"

Thor stood, his imbalance more than simply in his mind. There was no apparent change in his demeanor causing Rocket to think that he had failed.

"Ok, Rabbit," Thor droned. "Let's Go. I am sure that the Metal Man and the Super soldier already have a plan."

"Uh, I was part of making the plan, too," Banner added.

Thor looked at Rocket. "The Big Guy doesn't sound right."

"Tell me about it," the Guardian replied in agreement.

"Really?" Banner whined.

"I'll be just a moment," Thor said. "I need to change."

"Now we're talking," Rocket replied, showing some excitement and relief.

When Thor returned, Rocket's relief was shredded. The thunder god had put on a robe. He shook his head, again, as Thor grabbed a case of beer and led them out of the house.

Rocket met Banner's eyes as the filed out of the house. The Jolly Green shrugged in hopeful confusion.

The raccoon nodded his understanding.

"One step at a time, Bulk. For the moment, let's take what we can get."


End file.
